Dear Heroin,
You came into my life like a whirlwind. You created fear, anticipation, anxiety and excitement in my dull relapsed existence.
It seems that I had a crush on you before I ever met you. People around me were always romanticizing you. You were a mystery. A mystery I had to learn about. You have taken a piece of my heart that I can never have back, broken my soul, and altered my brain chemistry forever. Because of my fast unhealthy love for you, I am a more fucked up girl looking for a peace of mind. Luckily for me, I have learned to forgive. I forgive you for taking over, pretty impressive moves I must say. I think we fell in love with each other on NYE. Game over. You had me. Why did it end so fast? The chase is better than the catch. You used me, I used you. We had such an unhealthy codependent relationship. You were such a tease, but you loved me too, admit it. You miss me. You miss the way I adored you...Guess what fucker? I'm so over you and your cute little bags with cute names to make me feel not as bad about my use. Oh, it's called seabiscuit? ha.ha How charming. Ace of Spades? Sounds hard core. I hate you. I cannot wait to feel nothing for you. That's when I'll know for sure I can say goodbye. Until then, until next time, see you around.....
*I just found this. We had to write a goodbye letter to our drug. SO intense. This brought back a lot of memories. I have 2 years and 2 months of clean time. I can say proudly that the obsession has left me. I am no longer angry like I was. I am grateful that I wrote about this back then. Lets see, April 11, 2009? I had about 2 weeks clean. I was such a mess. I was in such an unhealthy spot. I am really glad I found this letter. It shows how far I've come. SO fucking grateful today.
You came into my life like a whirlwind. You created fear, anticipation, anxiety and excitement in my dull relapsed existence.
It seems that I had a crush on you before I ever met you. People around me were always romanticizing you. You were a mystery. A mystery I had to learn about. You have taken a piece of my heart that I can never have back, broken my soul, and altered my brain chemistry forever. Because of my fast unhealthy love for you, I am a more fucked up girl looking for a peace of mind. Luckily for me, I have learned to forgive. I forgive you for taking over, pretty impressive moves I must say. I think we fell in love with each other on NYE. Game over. You had me. Why did it end so fast? The chase is better than the catch. You used me, I used you. We had such an unhealthy codependent relationship. You were such a tease, but you loved me too, admit it. You miss me. You miss the way I adored you...Guess what fucker? I'm so over you and your cute little bags with cute names to make me feel not as bad about my use. Oh, it's called seabiscuit? ha.ha How charming. Ace of Spades? Sounds hard core. I hate you. I cannot wait to feel nothing for you. That's when I'll know for sure I can say goodbye. Until then, until next time, see you around.....
*I just found this. We had to write a goodbye letter to our drug. SO intense. This brought back a lot of memories. I have 2 years and 2 months of clean time. I can say proudly that the obsession has left me. I am no longer angry like I was. I am grateful that I wrote about this back then. Lets see, April 11, 2009? I had about 2 weeks clean. I was such a mess. I was in such an unhealthy spot. I am really glad I found this letter. It shows how far I've come. SO fucking grateful today.
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